Baby B

Hypomomdria

July 21, 2009 at 9:41 pm

Perhaps it started with the “eventful” pregnancy, consisting of a scare of both cholestasis and preeclampsia. Or maybe my mind started traveling down darker paths when I had too much time on my hands during 6 weeks of bed rest. Or it’s possible it really kicked in when, during my 39-week ultrasound, the technician spent nearly 10 minutes focused on Sylvie’s kidneys and, with no further explanation, pronounced one 2 millimeters smaller than the other. Regardless of when it started, by the time Sylvie was born I had scared myself with enough horror stories and baby shows that I was convinced there would be some kind of complication or health concern. I had become a neurotic mama.

In the afterglow of our marathon birth, I found myself discreetly checking her to make sure she had all of her parts and everything looked normal. Despite the fact that she measured perfectly average and she was astoundingly alert and adorable, I was sure there was something. I breathed a sigh of relief when, the second day at the hospital, the visiting pediatrician pronounced her “perfect.” I had already started panicking about the jaundiced color of her skin and the fact that she wouldn’t open her right eye, but I was assured that these were both normal presentations and would go away over the next few days.

Once I had her at home, the worry continued. Was she eating enough? What was that bump on her scalp? Why was the skin peeling on her feet? What was that red spot on her eyelid? And on and on. Jon and my mom quickly got used to hearing me call out some newly discovered concern from my feeding station on the couch. Most of the time they laughed at me.

Now, I admit I can tend to be a bit of a worrier.  I also admit that, when Googling was a new phenomenon, I went through a phase in which self-diagnosing illnesses became a favorite pastime. The availability of medical information astounded me and easily held my interest for hours. I would take the most benign of symptoms and convince myself that I had an obscure or serious illness. I got bored with that many years ago, but apparently motherhood has renewed my interest. Particularly this stage of motherhood in which I’m home all day with only my daughter for company, spend most of my time breastfeeding (and thus looking her up and down repeatedly), and am experiencing the kind of cloudy-headed pervasive anxiety that comes with weeks of sleep deprivation. I am officially a hypochondriac mom. A hypomomdriac. When I’m well-rested and in the right frame of mind, I know I’m often being obsessive and even a bit silly. Things that were stressing me out the night before seem inconsequential. However, I’m not always that off-base. A couple of my worries have proven at least worthy of further investigation.

At Sylvie’s first pediatrician appointment, I pointed out the fact that one of her ears was folded over and came to a point. It was also slightly smaller than the other. I was reassured that this was just from her womb position or from pressure in the birth canal and it would resolve itself within a few weeks. A month later, though, it was exactly the same. It turns out, at least according to my internet searches, that we should have dealt with it right away. Had we splinted this right after birth, it would have taken only a week to remold itself. Now that we have waited, it will take 6-8 weeks of discomfort and looking silly in “ear putty” and medical tape, and it may not change much at all. That’s just a cosmetic concern, though. I’d like to remedy it if I can, so that she won’t be self-conscious about it later. But if she winds up having asymmetrical ears, so be it. As my mom says, “maybe she’s just part elf.” What was more concerning was that I also found out there is a correlation between malformed ears and kidney issues, because the two form at the same time in utero. Since they were very focused on her kidneys prenatally, this was a significant connection to note. My pediatrician never mentioned this possible association.

I also observed that, as Sylvie chunked up in those initial weeks, her thigh creases were developing asymmetrically. There turned out to be an abundance of information on the web calling this a red flag for hip dysplasia. Hip dysplasia in infancy is very treatable, but can cause major problems if left untreated. As I have a family history of leg-length discrepancy (which can be a result of it being left untreated), this was something I definitely wanted to get checked out. Again, my pediatrician didn’t notice it or think anything of it, even given my family history.

So, I have been stressing and obsessing about her kidneys and her hips for the last few weeks. Luckily, today we found out that neither of these concerns wound up being warranted. This morning we took Sylvie to Children’s Hospital for ultrasounds of both, and she was pronounced healthy. So my worrying was for naught. I don’t feel silly for pushing these issues, though. I’m glad for being a neurotic mom in this instance.

What I want to get out of writing this post is to remind myself to keep it all in perspective. These are only the first of many worries I’m sure to have about my daughter’s health and well-being as time goes on. However, at least from what I know of her right now, she is a healthy and lovely little girl who is meeting developmental milestones and doing great. I know we are extremely fortunate for that. When I find myself becoming obsessed over minute and inconsequential imperfections, I’ll know I have too much time on my hands. For example, when, during my entirely-too-thorough Google searches I found out that people with asymmetrical ears are statistically more likely to be bad dancers, I pictured Sylvie having a lifetime of two left feet and I actually got sad. The reality, though, is that it’s probably a very minor correlation and, if she does turn out to be a bad dancer, it’s more likely to come from her dad! (Just kidding, Jon…sort of. ) So, when I start letting thoughts like those take up too much of my time, I need to make sure to have some adult conversations or to get busy with a project of some kind. On the flip side, the experiences with her hips and kidneys taught me to also trust my instincts and use my worry to fight for further investigation on the part of her pediatrician and other caregivers. In that case Mama knows best, even if she is a little neurotic.

By phillygil | Posted in Uncategorized